Too Sorry For Apologies

I'm sorry. Sorry that this is me. Sorry that I can't help myself. No matter how I try to convince myself that I've grown past this, I can't help but to push you away. I push every good thing in my life away. I pushed my friends away until they stopped talking to me. I pushed Josh away until he gave up. Now I'm pushing you away just like I always do...but it's for your sake. I'm telling you to be done with me. Save yourself. But you're too stubborn. I push and push and push and, yet, you still love me. I tell you every bad thing about myself and, yet, you still love me. I tell you that I don't even believe in love anymore and, yet, you still love me. STOP IT! Don't love me. People like me don't deserve love. All I will do is destroy, hurt, and use you. I am incapable of loving you. Can't you understand that???

And the longer this goes on, the worse it will get. I'll never leave you...because I do love you. Instead I will do all in my power to make you realize that I am not worth the fight. I've managed to keep everyone new at arm's length in order to prevent pushing them away. But you're too close. You know me too well. You love me...so now I have to do the inevitable. And for that, I'm sorry.