This torrent is taking me under. I am drowning. These emotions cannot be medicated any longer...now they are back with a vengeance. I'm supposed to stay afloat with this little blue pill, but all I can feel is the constant undertoe. Maybe it's your hands grabbing at my ankles, not the rushing water. To be honest, I am having trouble distinguishing up from down in this storm. I just need to feel again. Feel pain, feel anguish, feel happiness, or contentment. It's the oddest sensation, this emptiness. This deadness I feel. I still sometimes feel that rush of desire to do the unthinkable. In doing that I would damage so many more people than just myself. I am able to keep myself from the threshold, but nothing has driven these thoughts from my mind. The limbo between the two worlds is the worst. I can feel enough to torture my mind with all of these thoughts, but not enough to really feel anything worthwhile. I've lost myself.
But I have gained so much. I am finally a person that my family can love. A person that they can finally see. My secret worlds have become a part of this world at last. Maybe I will need to sacrifice some of myself, even all of myself, to be loved. Doesn't everyone?
