Hopeless Wandering

I'm searching for my happy ending. I just don't think I've found it. Maybe it doesn't exist. Maybe it's that I'll never let myself be happy. I cannot see clearly anymore...not through all this pain and heartache. Every day's ending just brings me further and further from finding whatever it is that I've been searching for. Each day I grow more and more dead inside. I can't allow myself to move on from this same pain, these same memories. What will come of me if I can't figure this out?

Down this road all I foresee is loneliness. I am unlovable. I am broken. I am dying. But there is just no turning back now. There is no alternate route. This is my path alone to walk. These secrets and lies locked within me are silently leading me. I am helpless.

There Is No Rescuing the Dying

Save me from this suffering. Take away all of these thoughts. Drown them out with this heart's beating. Help me escape.

Save yourself from this suffering. Walk away while you still can. Drown me in my own misery. Break me and escape.



Maybe I deserve all of this. Maybe I'm supposed to fall and never stop. Somedays it feels like it's almost over and then it starts all over again. I'm ready to just give in...give up. It wouldn't be the first time. I'm falling, I'm breaking, I'm shattering into a million tiny pieces. Everybody takes a piece of me and I'll never be whole again.



Where is my happy ending? Where is my normalcy? Every falter is a stake in my heart. They are piercing me in places that I thought did not exist. I'm watching myself die and I cannot stop it. My efforts are futile. Each stake is laced with lies and hurt and deceit. They are made up of all of the lies I tell myself. All of my failed attempts. All of my shortcomings. I'm dying and no one can see. No one can save me.



So save yourself before I pull you under. It's all I will ever do...